What is Toxic Positivity ? Can Positivity Be Toxic ?

Just count your blessings!

Everything happens for a reason!

Happiness is a choice.

Focus only on the positive.

Things could be worse.

Other people have it worse than you.

Do any of these statements sound familiar? It is likely that you have encountered at least one of the above statements from a well-meaning friend or family member. While on the surface, they might seem harmless and, in some situations, even helpful- they are all based on the questionable assumption that positivity is always good. You may ask what could possibly be bad about looking on the bright side and having a glass half full outlook to life?

Toxic positivity is the assumption that you should have a positive mindset and that everything is OK, when really it is not. We often tend to minimize our own feelings and the feelings of others which are negative in nature- when we do this we are minimizing, invalidating, suppressing, instead of processing, acknowledging, and accepting the presence of negative and difficult emotions.

It is definitely true that in some contexts, optimism can work wonders. But in others the pressure to be positive can actually be harmful, hurtful and even toxic.

How can we know we are being toxic-ally positive?

• We try to hide our true feelings.
• We feel bad or ashamed for having negative emotions like anger, fear, disgust, and shame.
• We disregard or negate the difficult experience or situation we are struggling to cope with.
• We work hard on forcing ourselves to think only positive thoughts and do not allow other kinds of thoughts to enter our conscious mind.

In today’s world the pressure to appear “ok” invalidates the range of emotions we all experience during a difficult phase of our lives.

It can give the impression that you are defective when you feel distress, which can be internalized as a core belief that says I am weak, or I am inadequate.

Judging ourselves for feeling pain, sadness, anger, jealousy, can lead us to feeling ashamed, guilty which in turn can cause us to “shut down”, becoming numb to our feelings which in turn will cause us to use unhealthy coping strategies like drinking, compulsive eating, compulsive shopping, getting addicted to gaming, and other maladaptive behavioural patterns.

Positive thinking does not exist in a vacuum, and it is not a one stop remedy for all of life’s challenges!

One very common way toxic positivity is enabled is when we label people who always appear positive or who do not share or show their emotions as being stronger or more likeable.

The alternative to toxic positivity is “healthy” positivity which means- we process our negative/difficult emotions, we name each one of them. Naming the emotion actually does help to take its power away- then rationality will return- and we will be able to respond rather than react to the challenging or difficult situation we find ourselves in.

Rather than pushing through the pain using toxic positivity, we should aim to process it as this will make all the difference. Feeling anger, sadness, disappointment, anguish is not the problem, in fact it actually notifies us that something is wrong and needs to be addressed.

Whatever you are going through matters!

Positivity becomes toxic when it is seen as a replacement for allowing someone to feel their feelings and face problems head on. It can also prevent the expression of genuine empathy, presence, and support. Pushing aside feelings of sadness, loneliness, anger in favour of surface level optimism is very harmful to our mental health. An example of this is repeating positive affirmations constantly that you do not really believe in. Compassion for the emotional vulnerability you are going through, rather than rejecting it – is going to lead you to want to get better and make peace with whatever you are going through, this ultimately will give you release from whatever is bothering you.