Self-Awareness : How Well Do I Know Myself ?

What is my favorite color? How do I like to spend my leisure time ?What are my natural talents? Am I a pessimistic or optimistic person? Am I a laid-back person or a go-getter? While having answers to all of these questions do indicate a certain level of self-awareness; knowing our self “inside out” requires us to understand ourselves on a set of parameters. Lets take a look at what they are.

1. Core Beliefs – Core beliefs are a person’s central ideas, assumptions about themselves, others, and the world around them. Core beliefs are filters through which we view every situation or life experience. Gaining clarity on the original source of our existing core beliefs and how they are directing our choices and actions is critical to becoming self-aware. When you take the time to do an honest examination of your core beliefs it is common to recognize that most of your core beliefs can be traced back to what your parents, care givers, teachers modeled and mirrored to you. The way our core beliefs developed is an interplay between our natural temperament, parenting styles used, cultural influences and reference points we had while growing up. Some examples of common limiting core beliefs are –

• I am not good enough.
• People cannot be trusted.
• Life is not fair.
• I cannot do anything right.
• The world is a dangerous place.

2. Childhood conditioning – As children, while growing up we were eager to learn about life, so when we were given a set of facts that were represented as the truth by our parents/caregivers – we began to store all this in our minds and saw life in this manner. Thus, we developed what is called selective perception. In a real sense, we see that which we were taught to see.

Suppose you grew up in a family where it was readily accepted that people were generally selfish. Your parents were always pointing out people’s faults, bad habits, self-centredness etc. This would have become a core belief in your mind and your going to be predisposed to noticing people pushing and shoving in queues, being less than giving, etc. Remember, it is not that you would not see the good if you were taught to see the bad or you would never see the bad if you were taught to see the good. The point is that you would have the tendency to see that which you were taught to see.

Over time and through years of validation from your immediate environment and selective perception based on what was modeled to you – you would come to make a serious of conclusions about life and people and these would form part of your belief system.

3. Cognitive Biases – These are the result of the brains attempt to simplify information
   processing. Biases often work as a rule of thumb that help you make sense of the world and to make decisions with relative speed, this means that we end of relying on some mental shortcuts that allow us to act quickly. Remember, as human beings we are all wired to subscribe to cognitive biases.

      Lets take a look at 2 common cognitive biases.

      Confirmation Bias - This is when we favor information that conforms to our existing beliefs. It is in fact, confirmation bias that causes us to develop selective perception.

      Optimism Bias - This causes us to believe that we are less likely to face misfortune and more likely to attain success, than reality would suggest. A few examples are – some people choose not to wear a seat belt while driving as they are convinced, they are good drivers and hence will not meet with road accidents; some people decide they do not require yearly health check ups as they are sure nothing can go wrong with their health.

4. Cognitive Distortions - These are types of thinking patterns that emphasize negative biases. Research suggests that people develop cognitive distortions to cope with adverse life events. The more prolonged and severe these adverse life events are the more likely that cognitive distortions will form. Experiencing stress could cause you to adapt your thinking in useful ways for your immediate survival- but these thoughts are not rational or healthy in the long term. Lets take a look at 2 common distortions.

Over-generalization – This is when you reach a conclusion about one event and then incorrectly apply that conclusion to all subsequent events. For example – you score low on one math test and conclude that you are hopeless at math in general, or you may have a negative experience in one relationship and this leads you to believe that you are not good at relationships.

Personalizing -  This distortion is about taking things personally when they are not connected to or caused by you. For example – when you blame yourself for circumstances that are not your fault or are beyond your control.

5. Defense Mechanisms - We all rely on defense-mechanisms to protect us from psychological upset. Our defense mechanisms are unconscious methods by which we exclude unacceptable thoughts and feelings from our conscious awareness, doing so does result in a distortion of our perception of reality. While defense mechanisms are necessary and useful for ensuring our survival, if they become second nature to us, they will prevent us from accessing difficult emotions we need to face. For example, when you swallow your anger, unhappiness through compulsive eating; some people habitually withdraw when someone else expresses a emotion that frightens them which leads to them developing limited and unsatisfying relationships that pose no threat. Two of the most commonly used defence mechanisms are denial and projection.