Laziness is not the reason why we procrastinate; we procrastinate as it relieves discomfort for us. It’s a self-defensive behaviour that is aimed at protecting one’s self worth and independence. A myth about procrastination is that it is a character flaw – this is also untrue.
So why do we procrastinate? There are a couple of reasons for it
- Fear of making mistakes/fear of failing–
Self criticism and being a perfectionist are the main causes of having this fear. In extreme cases of perfectionism, there is no distinction between judgement of one’s work and a sense of worth and value as a person. People with this kind of mindset think along these lines – “ This project is my identity, my boss or client must like it or I will feel rejected as a person” - Fear of Succeeding –
This happens when we have conflicting core values, which can cause us to procrastinate. Fear of success can express itself insidiously, through unconscious, self-defeating behaviors. For instance – the drive for success involves setting a goal, making it a high priority, investing time and energy, and as the demands on your time become greater – family members and friends may view this as an indication that you care less for them and therefore their relationship with you is threatened. It will often seem as though they are saying “Choose between us or your career “
How do we disengage from Procrastination?
The answer lies in looking for any underlying negative attitudes and beliefs that lead to feelings of victimhood, pressure to be perfect, fear of failure. You can identify these with the self-talk that sounds like –
- Others are making me do things against my will
- I feel pressured to give a perfect performance
- I fear making mistakes
- I am feel uncomfortable and annoyed while receiving criticism
- I sometimes mentally complicate a task so that it appears overwhelming
When your early training, leads you to believe that your self-worth is determined by your performance, you must focus on self-protection rather than just getting the job done. No one can teach us self-worth.
We need to recognize that – SELF-WORTH ≠ PERFORMANCE
Changing our Self-Talk
We often talk to ourselves in a self-pitying “ have to “ tone. I “have to “ implies victimhood, resistance, stress and confusion. This causes us to feel we are defeated by small tasks in life, overburdened, working hard and without joy- which in turn results in the defensive use of procrastination. Given your healthy need to protect yourself – there will inevitably be lack of clarity, resentment and resistance to tasks that commences with “I have to “. Attempting to deal with all of these messages that are implied, your brain must simultaneously tackle two conflicting situations – one is energy is for the “imposed “ task and second is energy to resist threats to self-interest. These situations only confirm the impression that the imposed task is awful and one you would not do if you had a free choice.
This feeling is similar to what it was like when as a child, you were told by those who controlled your food, shelter and self-image that you had to do something that you did not want to do. Our need for approval from authority figures and our need to express our fears and autonomy using procrastination are 2 sides to this inner conflict.
Repeated throughout the day, “shoulds “ become a counter productive chant, that programs our conditions the mind with negative messages like – “ I am bad, where I am is not good enough, nothing is the way it should be “ . The problem is “shoulds “ create negative comparisons without indicating how to get from where you are to where you would like to be. So what is the way out ? The first step is to focus on results rather than blame. The second step is to focus on the power of choice rather than “I have to “. The third step is to work towards accepting what is rather than complaining and saying it should be this way, because self-pity keeps the focus on why things should be different instead of accepting the situation for what it is.
Limited options and unpleasant choices are plenty in life. Having said that, you do have a choice – you do not have to want to do the task, nor do you have to love it. But if you prefer it to the consequences of not doing it – you can decide to commit to wholeheartedly.
Even when the choices are rotten ones, you can exercise your power of choice and learn to embrace the path that makes most sense to you. Because you have chosen to do it – it becomes less difficult, and more quickly accomplished.