What are the most common words that come up in your self-talk? Is it words like – never, everyone, nobody, everything that come up regularly?
All or nothing thinking also known as dichotomous or black and white thinking is the tendency to think in extremes. This style of thinking causes us to see the world, ourselves, and the future in absolutes. This thinking pattern is unhelpful because it does not always accurately reflect our complex reality. All or nothing thinking is an integral part of perfectionism. This type of thinking keeps us from seeing the world as it is – constantly changing, complex and uncertain. People living with maladaptive traits like psychopathy, and those with eating disorders are more prone to have this distorted thinking style. It affects your perspective and causes you to see things as only good or only bad with no middle ground to be considered.
Most of us do engage in black and white thinking from time to time. For example, when you are in love with someone, they might seem perfect to you. If you can only think of people as either entirely good or totally bad – you may not be able to see the good things the bad person does or the negative things the good person does. Let’s consider another scenario – if you see everything you try as a complete success or total failure - you may not go on and try new things because you fear that there is a chance that you might fail – as, in your mind anything less than perfect is the same as completely failing.
Here are a few common signs of black and white thinking:
- Shifting between seeing things and people as good or bad
- You are unable to perceive a middle ground in any given situation.
- You engage in impulsive behaviours caused by sudden shifts in how you see a person or a situation.
- You use absolute words like always, never, everyone etc. to describe life situations and people, regularly.
The antidote to thinking in extremes is to think in “grey”, which means to reconcile that something can both positive and negative. Please note that black and white thinking does work in synergy with the following unhelpful thinking styles – over generalization, should statements, minimizing or magnification.
Here are a few examples of black and white thinking:
- If I don’t always get an A in my exams, I am a failure.
- Everything is terrible about my life. Nothing good ever happens to me.
- She is a terrible person because she will not do what I want.
- I had a cookie, so my weight loss regimen is ruined, I guess I will just eat whatever I want from now on.
3 steps to overcoming black and white thinking:
- Seeking therapy can help you identify and re-frame your thoughts. It will also encourage more realistic self-talk that avoids absolute words like always, nothing etc.
- Pause and reflect – Ask yourself questions to gain perspective. Those questions can be along the lines of – is there evidence that supports my thoughts? Am I considering all angles or am I leaving things out? Does everyone else see it this way?
- Develop an appreciation for differences – In order to successfully navigate through life we need to develop an appreciation for nuance, understand complexities and embrace flexibility.