How do I stop Procrastinating ?

Now that we have been maintaining the procrastination log for three days we have a record of our current behaviour and thoughts – which means we have got some insight into our daily patterns of behaving. Your procrastination log can alert you to the types of situations you are most likely to procrastinate in.

What does a Procrastination log look like?

By taking a closer look at your thoughts and rationale, check with yourself if you are changing a straightforward task into a test of your worth; proof that you are acceptable or a test of whether you would be a success or a failure. When your early training or childhood conditioning leads you to believe that your self-worth is determined by our performance you must focus on self-protection from failing rather than – just doing the job! Its only the dread of something worse that will get us beyond our dread of being less than perfect and being judged.

Many a times we procrastinate to avoid doing our best work and to avoid our own criticism. Changing how you talk to yourself is an effective way to disengage from procrastination patterns of hesitation and indecision which unfortunately gets us caught in a self-pitying trap which makes us think” I have to do this ” – go to work, face the boss, deal with a difficult child. This kind of self-talk confirms the belief that we are having to do things against our will. Repeated over and over again a “have to “ statement tells our subconscious mind I don’t want to do this and/or they are making me do it.

Given our healthy need to protect ourselves there will inevitably be ambivalence, resentment, resistance to tasks that commence with “ I have to “ . These feelings are similar to what it was like when as a child, you were told by those who controlled your food, shelter and self-image – that you had to do something you did not want to do.

 Remember you don’t have to do anything to be a worthwhile person!

 Every “I have to” needs to be replaced with an adult decision, as you have the power to choose. For many of us the blame and guilt, of the procrastination pattern is linked with the language of “should”. “Should” for procrastinators has lost its original meaning – I dislike the way things are, and I am going to do something about it. Instead, it has come to mean – I am angry and disappointed at how things are, and I am going to complain and feel badly about it.

“Should” creates negative comparisons without indicating how to get from where you are to where you would like to be.

The good news is – as you begin to speak to yourself in a language that focuses on results rather than blame – on choice rather than “ I have to”, on what is rather than what you think it should be – you will start feeling more positive. Exercising your power of choice will give you the chance to redirect toward constructive effort, the very energy formerly blocked, by feelings of victimhood and resistance. You do have a choice. You don’t have to want to do the task, nor do you have to love it. Even when the choices are rotten ones, you can exercise your power of choice and learn to embrace the path that makes most sense to you.

Whenever you begin to feel overwhelmed, remind yourself – “I can take one small step, that is all I need to do now.” Keep a check on your self-talk that is centered around condemning any small steps of progress, as being insignificant compared with what you think it should be.

The Things you should not do :

• Instead of allowing yourself to learn along the way, you expect that you feel confident at the start.
• You have gotten yourself stuck in black and white thinking – you tell yourself “ either do it right the first time or you are no good. “
• You are not willing to learn through trial-and-error.
• You have little tolerance or compassion for your current level of imperfection and struggle.

Things you should do:

• Respect your ability to worry as a way to alert you to potential threat/danger. Just frightening yourself with worrying is like screaming danger without knowing what to do or where to run.
• Try to learn from the worry that accompanies procrastination, as this is usually learned very early in life. What hints could you derive from this about your underlying beliefs about yourself ? Parents, bosses, teachers often use threats and images of disaster to motivate us to achieve goals they have chosen for e.g. a boss who stingily withholds compliments for the work done well, while freely criticizing what is unfinished or imperfect by saying – “ there is a lot more to do and I need this as soon as possible” or the parent or teacher who tries to motivate by saying – “so what you got 3 A’s why did you get a B in Math? “. This terrible training or conditioning that your work is never good enough leads to the belief that you are never good enough to satisfy a parent or a boss.

• Eventually the risks seem too great to take and the threats lose their ability to motivate you. Breaking through this block to action requires that you go beyond just scaring yourself with images of potential catastrophes. You need to redirect the energy of worry and panic into plans to remove the threat. Once you have used this energy properly your brain is reassured of your physical and psychological well being and can return you to a normal level of energy for productive work.