Feeling Stuck in a rut? 3 effective ways to get UN-Stuck!

If you are feeling less motivated, cannot remember which day of the week it is, you don’t feel excited or inspired, you feel like you are just going through the motions, you feel unfulfilled as though life is boring, you want to change but you fear the unknown ! These might be signs that you feel stuck !

How do we get unstuck ? How do we put the winds back in our sails again ?

STEP 1 – SCHEDULE DOWN TIME TO “RUMINATE” OR “BROOD” OR “DWELL” on your Past

Our minds cannot make out the difference between what we are thinking / recalling as opposed to what is actually happening; hence ruminating on your past can also lead to – triggering of negative emotions/mood states that can cause us to “live” mentally in yesterday.

Sometimes we dwell on the past as a way to distract ourselves from the present.

By shifting the way you think about the past, you can move forward. Focus on the lesson learned, accept what happened and think about how you maybe a changed person because of it.

Think about the facts and not the emotions. Professional counselling can help reduce the distress associated with traumatic memories so you can move forward productively.

Instead schedule a “brood time capsule ”everyday, preferably late afternoon or evening while having a cup of tea. It would also help to keep a journal for processing difficult emotions and thoughts. Ensure you keep a start time & end time – say 30 minutes. Refusing to dwell on the past does not mean you pretend the past did not happen.

STEP 2 – DO NOT THROW YOURSELF A PITY PARTY  !

Feeling sorry for ourselves requires a lot of mental energy and does nothing to change the situation. Feeling sorry for ourselves will not move us any closer to a solution.

Self-pity keeps the focus on why things should be different rather than accepting the situation for what it is. Self-pity also causes us to focus only on the negatives.

Self-pity causes us to view ourselves as victims rather than survivors. Reframing the way we look at a situation, is not always easy. Asking yourself the following questions can change your negative thoughts into more realistic ones.

1. What is another way I could view this situation ? this is where the glass half-empty or glass half-full comes in. If you are looking at it from the glass half-empty angle, take a moment to think about someone looking from a glass half-full perspective might look at the same situation. If you choose to view circumstances in a way that says – I deserve better – you will feel self-pity often.
2. What evidence do I have that I can get through this ? We tend to think that we will never get through something. Remind yourself of times when you have solved problems and coped with tragedies in the past. You can choose to catch your negative thoughts before they spiral out of control. Strive to find a realistic way to look at a situation. When you notice you are feeling sorry for yourself – shift your focus. Do not allow yourself to continue thinking – life is not fair or life should be different. Instead sit down and list the people, circumstances and experiences in life that you can be grateful for.

STEP 3 – FOCUS ON THNGS YOU CAN CONTROL

Trying to control everything usually starts out as a way to manage anxiety. Rather than focusing on managing your anxiety, you try controlling your environment.

Deciding what is within your control and what is not depends largely upon your “belief systems” – this is your locus of control. Your locus of control will determine how you view your circumstances.

Your childhood experiences certainly influence your locus of control. Your experiences throughout life can influence your locus of control. To achieve balance in life, you must be willing to examine your beliefs about what you truly can control and what you cannot. Remind yourself that there is a lot you cannot control. Lets look at a few examples –

1. You can host a good party but you cannot control if people will have fun.
2. You can do your best at your job, but you cannot force your boss to recognize your work.
3. You can sell a great product but you cannot dictate who buys it.
4. You can control how much you take care of yourself but you cannot always prevent illness.

When you notice yourself trying to control something you cannot- ask yourself – what am I so afraid of ? Do you worry something is going to go terribly wrong? Do you worry someone else is going to make a bad choice?

Identify your fears and acknowledge them. Identify what you can control – please note – sometimes – the only thing you can control is your behavior and attitude.

Even though you might not like the situation you are in – you can choose to accept it. You can accept that your boss is mean or your mother does not approve of you.

Do try out the above steps and you will find yourself taking small steps out of the loop or the rut you find yourself in.

If you find this blog helpful and informative, and you think you might need more support in moving forward please do reach out to us at query@metacognition.in

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