Am I a Perfectionist ?

A textbook definition of a perfectionist is “someone who strives for or demands the highest standards of excellence”.

“Nothing wrong with that” I hear you say, and I concur. However, it is considerably more complex than that. Perfectionists are highly organized, have high standards and know how to get a job done and done well. Qualities that everyone should aspire to … or should they? Perfectionism exists on a spectrum from a task-specific quirk to an all-consuming defining characteristic for others. Someone with rigid attention to rules, morals, details, and painstaking decision making can make for unbearable company. Pathological perfectionism is a means of intrinsic, environmental and interpersonal control.

Imagine going from a pinch of potent spice adding subtle enhancement to a dish, to the potent spice being the main course!

Perfectionism comes with both positive and negative aspects i.e. it can be both adaptive and mal-adaptive.

1. Perfectionists procrastinate – the fear of not being able to accomplish something to the high enough standards or fear of being judged/criticized can cause people with perfectionist tendencies to procrastinate. Ex: Jane has come up with a complex set of rules of what she can and cannot eat, also she has created a detailed exercise plan. However, she has serious doubts as to whether she will be able to stick to her exercise plan. So, to minimize her chances of failing, she has delayed starting out on her weight loss plan until the time feels “right”. So far, it’s been 18 months, the time still does not feel right.
2. Perfectionists avoid things – because perfectionist standards are so difficult to meet, people with these tendencies will sometimes avoid situations in which they might feel compelled to meet these impossible standards. Ex: Julie avoids weighing herself because if she finds out that she has gained even a pound, it will ruin her whole day.
3. Perfectionists don’t work well as part of a team – perfectionists are highly competitive by nature. There is nothing wrong with a bit of healthy competition but the desire to win should not come at the cost of overtly criticizing others, demoralizing or dismissing the contribution of others. They are also not good at receiving critique. To them negative feedback is not constructive as they construe it as a “personal attack” on them!
4. Perfectionists find it hard to make decisions – they are generally weary of making decisions for fear of getting it wrong or looking bad. Ex – Linda prefers to have others make decisions for her so that she cannot be blamed for making a wrong choice.
5. Perfectionists refuse to ask for help – perfectionists often find themselves spread too thin and overwhelmed. Yet they have a hard time accepting help from others because they don’t trust others to complete tasks at their lofty standards.
6. Perfectionists are critical of themselves and others – they tend to fixate on flaws. They are more likely to criticize a completed task rather than appreciate that the task has been completed.
7. Perfectionists are consistently dissatisfied – they fixate on imperfections no matter how small they are. They can fixate on a small patch of dry grass on a otherwise lush, neatly trimmed lawn. It is hard to be satisfied with such a critical outlook.

Do you see yourself having a few of these traits? Not to worry, we shall be exploring the causes of perfectionism and ways to unlearn the mal-adaptive styles in our next blog ! Stay tuned…

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